“And I shit you not, from the ashes of the temple at Burning Man, The Fresh King Benjamin plucked a golden plate, yea, a plate of pure gold, and on this plate was written The Book of the Fresh King Benjamin.”

“And The Lord spake unto him saying, “Even as I have promised, so I have delivered. Therefore I command you to take this plate from this place and translate the inscription thereon (which is written in Deformed English, see all those weird little blotches?), and the translation thereof will tell the truth of Mormonism and my will for its future.”